“I’ve been doing some EMDR (look it up). Dealing with some old trauma that is entangled with the trauma of my divorce. Thinking about a clothing line. It has been a good but very challenging experience as I am being pushed to unearth shit buried deep with my autobiographical implicit memory some of it is preverbal- like how 3-year-old me experienced losing attention from my parents when my Brother was born and then, of course, the three deaths. I spent more time with just me and Angus than anyone else so I am left all the memories that belonged to Us.
I am seeing all the ways I circumvent shame and suffering create unnecessary suffering in my life and how my efforts to garner happiness are the precise sources of my unhappiness. Also, how I lost my identity when I divorced (liberated) me.
Learning to look at faulty core beliefs I presuppose unknowingly then make decision based on unrealistic expectations and faulty beliefs, which do not serve my spiritual health. Hemingway wrote something like: The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. Like Job, I am broken but have found my integrity.”
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